Breaking the Habit
by SilverIceWolf
Summary: Who knew that wandering aimlessly down identical corridors could lead to the best thing that had ever happened to him? Roxas unwittingly turns a page when he encounters Axel for the first time. Friend fic.


A/N: ZOMG! Two stories up in one day?! Yup, it's true. This is another story started at chocolate-wolfie/Kawaii-chan's house at, you guessed it, three o'clokc in the morning! Wow, I _am_ insane! "Breaking the Habit" is my first 'song fic' of sorts, but really, it only covers a few lines. The funny thing is, is that this started out as an Axel fic, being my favorite Organization XIII member and all. Is it just me, or did it focus more around Roxas? In the end, it turned out a lot diferently (and a lot better) than I would have hoped. It got a lot longer too, thankfully, even though it takes up a pitiful five pages on Word. le sigh I guess I'm better at one shots then full length stories (unless they're with Kawaii-chan, because I get breaks and fresh ideas that way). Hooray! I even figured out the whole line-break thing! Please r&r, this has, surprisingly, turned out to be one of my favorite pieces of my work. Enjoy!

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_**Breaking the Habit**_

By: SilverIceWolf

A lone, cloaked figure strode through the vast white halls in the castle situated in the World That Never Was. He was short in comparison to the other members, and was by far the youngest. His heel toed boots made sharp clicks as he paced down the hall, head bent down to stare at the ground. He stopped suddenly and pulled a piece of paper out from the inner pocket of his new cloak. It had taken him a while to get used to the warm, heavy feeling of the leather, but after the first week it was almost natural.

A tall, broad man passed him and nodded a greeting to him. The young Organization member nodded back, but in a respectful manner. Being the last to join, he was also of the lowest rank. Therefore respect was a must. Roxas really hadn't gotten enough time to know the other members all that well. Obviously, he knew the man who passed him to be Lexaeus. Lexaeus was a self-important man who was always looking for a mission in which he could prove himself. But Lexaeus was only number five.

The first four – Xemnas, or "the Superior" as everyone called him, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Vexen – were almost unnoticed by Roxas. He was far enough down the social ladder that these great men were all a mystery to him. He knew of Lexaeus simply because he was the one who had found him on the streets below and decided to bring him in. To Roxas, the older man seemed to have a big brotherly feel to him, but seemed arrogant enough to be repellant.

And then there were the remaining seven – excluding himself, of course. Number VI, was called Zexion, and he too was lost to Roxas whom had only seen him while passing by. The seventh member was named Saix. Saix had an air of mystery and coldness around him. While always polite and seemingly courteous, he was quick to anger and was very volatile.

Then came eight and nine. These two seemed to be the yin and yang of each other. Axel was a relaxed, laid-back guy. He had crimson red spiky hair and piercing emerald eyes. In Roxas' mind, Axel was the type of guy who just didn't give a damn, and could very easily be a drunk, or a slacker, maybe even both. But since his element was fire, that added pyromaniac to the list as well. Demyx was the relatively empty-headed brunette who used a giant Organization shaped sitar to control water. He got things done, but didn't seem too smart. And it just had to be the irony that fire and water had to dorm together.

After these two came number ten – Luxord. Luxord was the craftiest, slickest, man in the entire group. He was a card shark by nature and won almost any and every game Roxas tried to play with him. Apparently, his lower status didn't keep him away from the higher members, and he often came back with a sack-full of spoils. After Luxord was, at least to Roxas, the most appalling of all of the members. No matter how many times Roxas tried to think about it, he just couldn't help but laugh a little at number eleven.

Marluxia was born to be scorned, it seemed. From his pink hair, to his pastel scythe, all the way to his special element – Flower. Roxas had never heard of Flower being an element before, but he found he could never look at Marluxia quite the same way again. After Marluxia and before Roxas was Larxene, the only girl in the entire Organization.

She was lithe and clever, and most definitely beautiful. All the guys had at some time had taken a fancy to her, but that was mostly before they all came to know her. The unstable thunder user, seemed to be constantly PMSing, and sadistically enjoyed inflicting pain upon others. Roxas learned very quickly to stay away from her.

But all in all, Roxas found much disappointment in his new group. Everyone was mistrusting of each other, and attempted murder became commonplace. But what Roxas really wished for was a friend. Nobody (no pun intended) here was all too friendly, and Roxas started to develop a tangy feeling in the bottom of his stomach like some kind of warning that was almost alarmingly starting to be something he could feel comfortable with. Then again, it was the only stable thing in the teen's life, and was being held onto like it was the only scrap of hope he had left. The Organization was not the wave you'd want to wash you out to sea. And so, Roxas walked through the hallways, trying to trace his way back to his dorm.

Finally, he snarled and tossed the paper away from him in frustration. Anytime any help was offered – as unusual as that was – Roxas would reject it. He was determined to find it on his own. He wandered about aimlessly, turning at interesting corridors, and being forced to retrace his steps. Not like it was the easiest place to navigate around, that castle. All the walls were pure white, as were the doors and ceiling, and even the tile was whitish, with a blue undertone. It was no small wonder that Roxas couldn't find his way.

Roxas turned a corner sharply, nearly colliding with Xaldin in the process. He bowed slightly and offered an apology, trying to stay well out of stabbing range. With that cleared, Roxas stopped walking for a moment. He heard something. It was soft and gentle almost like a whisper, but stronger. Frowning, he continued walking around. Sometimes the sound would get louder, other times it would fade away until nothing could be heard.

Roxas pressed himself against a wall in defeat. Not only was he completely lost; he couldn't find the dormitory OR figure out what the mystery sounds were. As if on cue, they started up again. He stood up slowly and crept along the wall, the sound magnifying slightly with every step. Finally, he reached a door. He stared hard and judgmentally at it for a moment before throwing it open. This door led to the outside, a platform awaiting the other side – the Temple of Naught. Roxas frowned slightly up and across from him to a familiar figure. Roxas leaned in the doorway as he watched, transfixed, as Axel began to sing again.

"_Memories consume. Like opening the wound. I'm picking me apart again. You all assume. I'm safe here in my room. Unless I try to start again._" His voice was unlike any Roxas had ever remembered hearing before. It was deep and strong, and filled with passion. Axel hit every note, as he belted out the tune.

"_I don't want to be the one. The battles always choose. 'Cause inside I realize. That I'm the one confused._" Roxas smiled in spite of himself. The tune seemed familiar to him, although he knew not what from. It was the lyrics that really caught Roxas' attention. Within them, he thought of himself – struggling to find a purpose, trying not to get lost in the sea of mystery and deceit that lay around him. Axel balled his hands into fists, the moonlight playing on his pale skin. He tilted his head back and entered the chorus.

"_I don't know what's worth fighting for. Or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate. And say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way. I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit. I'm breaking the habit. Tonight!_" Small, fiery motes surrounded Axel at this point. He threw his arm out to the side and looked after it almost forlornly, filled with emotion as he stood on the platform before Kingdom Hearts. Roxas began to wonder… perhaps this Axel guy wasn't quite the way he thought he was. Xemnas was always enforcing that one statement, "We are Nobodies. Nobodies do not feel; they have no emotion because they have no heart." But could that really be true? Watching the redhead, Roxas suddenly felt himself being filled with doubts. Could it be that something such as singing could simply fill the void where his heart was supposed to be, and thereby make him feel complete, if only for a few minutes? If so, why was it that he could relate so much to what the song was saying, if he could feel nothing? He could see the raw feeling over Axel's face as he sung; and Roxas could see that there was no falsity in it. Axel swung around, about to belt out the next verse when he spotted Roxas.

Roxas smiled knowingly, before coming to his senses. His eyes widened and he attempted to stand as politely and respectfully as he could muster before number VIII. Axel stared at him for a few moments, mouth hanging open. "Y- you! How –" he ran a gloved hand through his spiky tresses distraughtly. "– how long have you been standing there?!" He shouted non-threateningly at Roxas. The towhead backed away a little.

"I… uh…" Roxas bit his lip determinedly and straightened up. He was a member of the Organization now, and it was his duty to be as professional as possible. If nothing else, it would protect his honor. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, number eight. I allowed my curiosity to better me. I apologize." He gave a small bow and looked to Axel to be excused. The Flurry of Dancing Flames stood before him, deep in thought. Suddenly, he smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Roxas, right?" he asked in a drawl, catching number thirteen off guard.

"Uh… yes, sir?"

"Tch. Relax." Axel assured him, catching the uncertainty brimming in Roxas' azure eyes. "So. You plan to be a dog to the Organization?"

"Well…" Roxas trailed off, more confused then ever. "I arrived here not all that long ago, number five brought me in."

"Ya, Lexaeus? Brought me in too." Axel added off-handedly.

"Hmn." Roxas smirked unconsciously. "I have yet to receive any orders from the Superior, but I've heard rumor that he has plans for me. Number two has given me a tour of the castle, and number six has provided me with some kind of map." _Which I left in some hallway. _He thought to himself guiltily. "I take it that I have my dorm to myself, as everyone else has a dorming partner, sans number twelve as she is female. As for my personal opinions, I am planning to follow the Organization's rules and codes and report all back to the Superior after each month." Roxas reported, feeling disgustingly similar to a sheet from the manual he was given.

Axel looked at him with a bemused expression, an eyebrow cocked. "Keh. You can cut the formal crap now." Roxas stared back at him with a blank expression. "Or are you really planning on being that loyal?"

The younger member hesitated, returning his superior's gaze critically. _Is he just testing me?_ The teen pondered. Images of moments before flashed through his mind's eye, and a small smile took over his lips. He allowed himself to break the stiff posture he was holding and smiled gratefully at the flame haired member.

"I don't really have a reason not to trust the Organization." Roxas admitted. "But, I also don't have a reason yet to welcome them all with open arms." Axel sat down on a low bench, propping his back against the wall, and motioned for Roxas to take a seat beside him. Roxas paused, and then joined him.

"Ya, well, don't expect much." Axel shrugged.

"Wha- what do you mean?" Roxas asked nervously, hands fidgeting in his lap.

"Well…" Axel looked at Roxas, his emerald orbs glowing mischievously. "When you spend enough time around someone, you get to know them almost better then they know themselves… so…" he broke off into laughter. "Let's just say I'm not the most liked in the Organization."

"Why?" Curiosity shone through the Keyblade wielder's guarded question.

"Because their just so… so… gah! I don't know. It's like their so distant, like their not even in the same world as you. You try talkin' with 'em and their just so insufferable. They feel… fake. Ya get me?"

"Ya." Roxas nodded, wide-eyed.

"I mean, I know I made a lot of mistakes in the past, but…" Axel massaged one of his palms, then peeled off the glove. Roxas leaned over and failed to muffle a gasp.

"What happened?" he inquired, staring at the star shaped silvery scar on the back of the other member's hand.

"Xaldin happened." Axel replied bitterly. "When I was younger, I ran out of this room where Vexen was holding a presentation. He had said that he had put together a report, something that was really important." He paused, eyes misting over with… pain?

"What was in the report?" Roxas urged him on. Axel turned from him, preoccupied with the familiar voice in his head, a memory floating to the surface. "_I don't want to come to terms with it! I don't believe it! He's lying, he's got to be!_" the young voice argued. "_How can we be nothing? We're here aren't we? So how can we not exist, how can we not have hearts? We are not Heartless, yet we have no hearts ourselves. But how can that be if we're all alive? A heart is what keeps you alive, it is your very essence, and without a heart you simply cannot live. It's impossible!_"

"Axel?" Roxas prodded, frowning slightly. Axel's head snapped back to him and he itched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Sorry, just, remembering is all." He apologized. "The members of the Organization, they are as the _Superiorness_ says, Nobodies. You and I are Nobodies. But they believe in what they are told – that they have no heart, that they don't really have emotion. That when they think they feel sadness, or joy that it is exactly that, no more than a thought. That is what the report said. I was fourteen when they told me that. When I refused to believe what they told me, well…" Axel looked down at his hand. "Xaldin wasn't too pleased with my non-conformity." He chuckled. "So I laid down and rolled over like a good little agent dog of the Organization and tried to convince myself that what they told me was true. I mean after all, the Superior's word is law, right?" Axel scoffed, pulling the other glove off and flexing his fingers.

"I take it that you don't feel that way now, then?" Roxas asked, bending over and looking into Axel's eyes.

"Hell no! Truth is, I never did convince myself – I never stopped believing that there is more to us than that. I know that what a feel isn't a lie, I've never been good at lying to myself, but I still feel that empty ache like the rest of them. Heh. It's like the song says: 'I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate, and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So I'm breaking a habit tonight.'" He read the words. "I think that the thirteen of us are more than what we let ourselves believe, that even if we _are_ different, that we stick together, 'cause we don't really know what it is we're fighting for, and make up reasons why we do. So the rest of us just do whatever the Superior tells us to do, even if we don't want to, and we're in so far, we don't see the light to turn back. Like it's hopeless, even if we can see it, 'cause there's nowhere left for us to go. But that last line… I've always felt like it was talking about me in particular." Axel blushed in embarrassment. "Pretty stupid, huh?"

"No!" Roxas cried. "No, not at all! That's… that's exactly how _I_ feel. Just because we're one of them doesn't mean that we _are _them. I, well, we, are different." Axel stared at him in wonderment. "And I think we are different from them because we 'break the habit' instead of openly believing everything that's fed to us." The two sat in silence for a while.

"It's nice." said Axel suddenly.

"What is?" Roxas quipped.

"Four years and you meet plenty of people, but not the people you want to meet." He turned to Roxas and smiled broadly, sheer joy dancing in his emerald orbs. "It's so nice to finally have a friend."

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A/N YAY! This has been one of my favorite pieces that I've done. The ending surprised even me! ... and I'm the author... -.- Please hit the shiny magical button at the bottom of the page and tell me what you think! I promise it won't take you to Candy Mountian, and make you lose your kidney... I'll give you a cookie... O.O 


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